An ancient and mighty fortress, and beside it a subterranean shopping centre that is a hive of tat and tourist trinkets. It’s easy to miss the shopping centre, fortunately, which is probably why few Londoners even know it exists, but right next to the Tower of London there is indeed such a place.

It’s exceptionally easy to miss with the entrance on the main road simply advertising an underground branch of KFC, but walk around to the other side, and there it is, an easy to ignore hole in the wall advertising the Tower Vaults.

It is not a set of vaults associated with the ancient Tower though, and despite it’s ancient appearance, it’s actually quite a modern building.

The site of the Tower Vaults used to be the site of the huge eight-storey Mazawattee Warehouse built by George Myers in 1864, but it was extensively damaged in WW2 by bombs, and just after the war, a local charity, the Tower Hill Improvement Trust bought the land and demolished the buildings in order to create a more pleasant landscape around the Tower of London.

The Tower Vaults is the surviving part of the warehouse, and includes three levels of vaults, of which the uppermost level is now the Tower Vault’s Shopping Centre.

The Trust still owns the vaults, although they recently agreed a 150 year lease with the Fishmongers Company, and they were revamped in 1987 and in 2001. Above is a terrace that was built to create a viewing platform of the Tower, but that’s long since been blocked off by a coffee chain store that sits on top of the vaults and the newish ticket sales building for the Tower.

There is another entrance to the Vaults here as well, although mainly advertising itself as a way to another chainstore food outlet, most people probably don’t turn left when down here to venture into the vaults.

And why would they, for a visit would be dispiriting.

It seems to be a trait of high-traffic tourist areas that they attract the roughest of retailers, seeking to flog overpriced tat that somehow sells in vast quantities to people who think a British flag made in China is the ideal present to have.

Down here is the KFC, at the far end of the brick arches, but closer, and on my visit, almost entirely empty a classic greasy spoon cafe offering “very cold beer” next to a poster offering fish and chips… with wine.

Bureau de change, Memories of London selling Scottish tartan, shops flogging the London Pass, others proud to sell Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Buy theatre tickets, and London branded sweatshirts made in a sweatshop. Dated signs still promoting camera film from the pre-smartphone era.

Everything’s on sale, with discounts a plenty. Treat yourself to fish and chips, or chicken and chips, or cheeseburger and chips.

Save pounds, buy tickets, visit the Tower Vaults.

Curiously, the site could be a haven of up-market retail. The location ideal, the vaults, underneath the gaudy signs is delightful and the little shops have a design that wouldn’t look out of place in a posh Piccadilly Arcade.

But, to do so would destroy a curiously ghastly delight. Too much has been sanitized already. There is reassurance that London still retains these spaces, and there’s a literal underground where lurks the dark underbelly of tourist tat and greasy food.

Long may it survive.

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14 comments
  1. Johnny says:

    I remember when it was a tourist attraction called the ‘Tower Hill Pageant’ in the late 80s when ‘experiences’ were all the rage. You went in a lift down through the levels of time and then rode around on a little cart through a recreation of the history of the area. As a kid I was a sucker for that kind of thing (probably still am)! Certainly preferable to the tat that’s there now imho.

    • Chris Staples says:

      I remember the ‘Tower Hill Pageant’ as a kid too and the smells from the herbs, loved it.

  2. Rich G says:

    And above the sign for “VERY COLD BEER”, not only “PIES & SOUPS” but “CHICKEN & FRIENDS”

  3. Melvyn says:

    You say it could be a posh shopping centre – So that’s £10 for same fish and chips …

  4. Colin The Vole says:

    @Rich G – Nope, I had a look above that sign and it’s just the ceiling.

  5. Southern Heights (Light Railway) says:

    I must walk through that some time! Love silly corners of the city like that…

  6. Andrew Gwilt says:

    I’ve been there few times. Including when eating KFC.

  7. Actually the ‘Tower Hill Pageant’ (I am not sure that was its exact name) was the first ‘Dark Ride’ in Britain, and probably suffered from being extremely innovative – they are now standard fare. I remember it as being very novel and rather good. It lasted 5? years.

  8. SezLes says:

    I actually worked on the building of the adjacent McDonald’s that was getting built at the same time as ‘Tower Hill Pageant’ and was able to get a free ride through the exhibition while they were testing it. I can remember it showed scenes of London through the ages, even producing the smells of the times. The McDonald’s was so unique, having its seating in the bare brick vaults of the building, they name it their flagship store, I always wondered what happened to. I went on to be involved in the building of many more Macs throughout London and the South of England but that’s the one I always remember.

  9. SezLes says:

    I actually worked on the building of the adjacent McDonald’s that was getting built at the same time as ‘Tower Hill Pageant’ and was able to get a free ride through the exhibition while they were testing it. I can remember it showed scenes of London through the ages, even producing the smells of the times. The McDonald’s was so unique, having its seating in the bare brick vaults of the building, they name it their flagship store, I always wondered what happened to it. I was involved in the building of many more Macs throughout London and the South of England in the 80s & 90s but that’s the one I always remember.

  10. Mike says:

    Umm Wolstan Dixie your so wrong, When you said-Actually the ‘Tower Hill Pageant’ (I am not sure that was its exact name) was the first ‘Dark Ride’ in Britain, and probably suffered from being extremely innovative – they are now standard fare. I remember it as being very novel and rather good. It lasted 5? years.

    All 3 of them other people were right it was called: ‘Tower Hill Pageant’
    + it was so not the very first Dark Ride in GB or the UK for that matter-What made you think that?
    The first Dark Ride in GB-was Around the World in 80 Days at Alton Towers in 1981 thought that was common knowledge-Then other ones like Phantom Phantasia at Thorpe Park in 1983 + ones not in Theme Parks like-Jorvik Viking Centre in York in Spring of 1984 etc

    No it did not last for 5 years, It opened from Spring of 1987 till late 2003-So 16 + a half years not 5-I mean 5 years is a very long time but 16 + a half is a bloody long time

  11. Alison says:

    I visited Tower Hill Pageant on 28 March 1994 (£4.45 adult) and the ticket states: “London’s First Dark R!de Museum” so at least in 1994 it didn’t claim to be the first dark ride in GB or the UK (note that “first” was spelled with an exclamation point!!)

  12. Squirrel Manning says:

    Tower Hill Pageant was much better, and more value for money than the black taxi ride at Madame Tussauds. I think it was stupid and short-sighted to replace it with a load of junk food outlets etc

  13. Andrew says:

    This seems to be the only place on the internet where people remember the Tower Hill Pageant. I just uploaded a video of it: https://youtu.be/CQi7gcdgH8s

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